top of page

My Newest Go-To Question When "Rough Stuff" Happens

Not all questions are created equal or hold the same power! And I'm a question collector!

This morning, I want to share a question that quickly changes your mindset and perspective when you experience what seems hard to handle.

The questions you ask when things seem to go wrong make ALL THE DIFFERENCE—Especially when you experience a "setback," a "slowdown," or even "heartache."

Everyone faces "stuff" happening, even those who seem to have it all together. Everyone experiences seasons when things fall apart.

It's too easy to give in to anxiety, blame, shame, or overall frustration in leadership and life when:

• "It" didn’t work.

• It took TOO long!

• She said "no."

• The opportunity went south.

• The returns weren’t favorable.

So, how can a simple question in your back pocket make a transformational difference?

Consider this question:

"Is this happening TO ME… or FOR ME?"


Option 1: "TO ME"

"TO ME" puts us in the victim stance. We are at the whims of "them," of "circumstance," of "the markets," of "the government," of "the universe" even of our lousy "DNA" or parents from way back when. We feel cursed. : (

We whine that it’s not our fault. We blame others. We may even blame ourselves, thinking, "Well, someone needs to take the blame!" My parents? My lack of skills? My DNA?

How's that working for you? ... Well I feel lacking control. I feel cursed. Anxious. I act in fear.

Not helpful, is it?

Option 2: "FOR ME"

"FOR ME?" I get it. It's rough... especially at times. But "FOR ME" chooses faith over fault-finding. It opts for freedom over figuring out who's right or wrong. We believe that good can come from "this." How? Well, not quite sure YET.

How does that "work?" I feel peaceful. At rest. Trusting. Creative.

Hmmm... that's better, huh??

The Bible certainly promotes the "FOR ME" approach. Paul, who knew prison, hardship, persecution, rejection, and poverty, wrote:

"And we know that all things work together for the good to those who love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

No, God isn’t some kind of magical rabbit’s foot. However, there's no denying that good ultimately triumphs over bad. You are loved, and what you put your hand to TODAY matters.

Got "stuff"?

Is this happening TO YOU… or FOR YOU?

With you,


Coaching Retreats are one of the most powerful methods to experience or at least initiate positive change. CHECK OUT THIS SUMMER AT WHISPER RANCH! (for individuals, couples, teams)

48 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page