Pain, Purpose, and the Necessary Move: A Lesson from September 11th

There are some coaching conversations you never forget.

And then there are conversations that change everything, not just for your client, but for how you understand your own calling. This is one of those stories.

The Client Who Had Everything (Except Peace)

One of my first executive coaching clients was the kind of person who looked perfect on paper. Ivy League graduate. Sharp mind. The kind of organized that makes Marie Kondo look like an amateur!

She'd been brought into a company to reorganize it from top to bottom. And she did it brilliantly. Systems streamlined. Processes optimized. Everything humming along like a well-oiled machine.

But here's what no one else could see: She was miserable.

Not just tired. Not just stressed. Empty. That deep-in-your-bones kind of dissatisfaction that keeps you up at 3 AM wondering, Is this really it?

When Success Feels Like Failure

We started working together, and over three months, something became crystal clear: she was in the wrong seat on the bus.

Yes, she was capable. Yes, she was producing results. But capability isn't the same as calling. Performance isn't the same as purpose.

She was miserable in her downtown Boston role because her gifts weren't being fully utilized.

Why? Because she was a fixer... made for cleaning up messes... and that Boston mess was already fixed.

So she was bored. Underutilized. Restless.

You can be excellent at something that's killing you slowly from the inside out.

After those three months of coaching: of asking hard questions and sitting with uncomfortable truths: she made a decision. She was going to make a move. A necessary move. She accepted a new executive role in midtown Manhattan... the “mess” where she was truly meant to be.

Was it scary? Absolutely!

Was it the right call? We were about to find out in the most dramatic way imaginable.

The Morning Everything Changed

September 11, 2001.

She flew from Boston to her new Manhattan office that very morning. We had a coaching call scheduled.

And during that call... she was complaining (pretty passionately!) about the office being a total mess.

People in the wrong roles. Things in disarray. A whole lot of confusion... and not much clarity.

And then the breakthrough landed.

She realized she was the exact right person to fix that mess and bring transformation.

Not because she was a control freak...

But because she was a fixer... a leader built for cleaning up chaos and turning disarray into momentum.

And you could hear it in her voice: relief.

Being understood. Being in the right seat. Finally!!!

After the call ended, I saw the news of the first tower on aol.com... and I couldn't reach her.

My stomach dropped.

A few days later, I got confirmation she was okay.

And here’s the part I’ve never forgotten: that “mess” in New York? It wasn’t a detour.

It was the starting point for her to use her gifts to completely turn the company around.

She Survived

By the grace of God and circumstances , my client survived that day.

But here's what I've carried with me ever since: What if she hadn't made that move?

What if she'd stayed in that wrong-fit job, slowly dying inside, just because it looked good on the outside? What if she'd listened to the voices telling her to stay put, play it safe, not rock the boat?

The truth is, we'll never know what would have happened. But what we DO know is this: she was exactly where she needed to be on that specific morning.

The right person. In the right place. For the right reasons.

Pain Is a Compass, Not a Curse

Here's what I learned from that experience that's shaped everything I do as a coach:

Your pain is trying to tell you something.

That restlessness? That sense of being in the wrong room? That nagging feeling that there's supposed to be more? That's not weakness. That's not ingratitude. That's not you being difficult.

That's your internal GPS recalibrating.

Sometimes pain isn't punishment. Sometimes it's a pointer. An arrow saying, "Not here. Not this. There's something else for you."

Tony Robbins says it perfectly: "It's usually after great pain that people begin to make new choices or begin to appreciate things they've begun to take for granted."

Hits me every time!

The Necessary Move

So let me ask you something: What necessary move have you been avoiding?

What change have you been postponing because it feels too risky, too disruptive, too uncertain?

Here's what I've learned through decades of coaching leaders: The moves that scare you most are often the ones that save you.

Not every move is the right move: don't hear me saying that! But when you've got that persistent, deep-down knowing that you're in the wrong seat? When you feel that disconnect between what you're doing and who you're becoming?

That's worth paying attention to.

My client could have ignored that discomfort. Could have white-knuckled it through. Could have told herself she was being unreasonable or ungrateful.

Instead, she listened. She moved. And on September 11, 2001, that decision mattered more than anyone could have predicted.

Right People, Right Place, Right Reasons

I think about leadership differently because of this story.

Leadership isn't just about skills and strategies. It's not just about hitting metrics and driving results.

Leadership is about alignment.

It's about being who you were created to be, in the place you were created to serve, for the reasons that light you up from the inside out.

When that alignment happens? Magic. Impact. Purpose. The kind of work that doesn't drain you: it fuels you.

When it doesn't? You might still succeed by the world's standards. But you'll be paying a price that shows up in your health, your relationships, your soul.

What If Your Pain Is Pointing You Home?

So let's get real for a minute.

Where in your life right now does something feel off? Where are you grinding instead of flowing? Where does success feel hollow?

Maybe it's your job. Maybe it's your industry. Maybe it's the role you're playing on your team.

Here's what I want you to consider: What if that discomfort isn't a problem to solve but a message to receive?

What if your pain is actually pointing you toward your purpose?

What if the necessary move you're avoiding is the very thing that will put you in the right place at the right time?

The Invitation

I can't promise you dramatic, life-or-death stakes like my first client experienced. (And honestly? I hope you never face anything like that!)

But I can tell you this: Life is too short and too precious to spend it in the wrong seat on the bus.

You were made for something specific. You have a contribution that only you can make. And when you're in the right place, doing the right work, with the right people?

Everything changes.

Not easy. Not simple. But aligned.

And alignment? That's where purpose lives.

If you've been feeling that restlessness, that sense that there's a move you need to make: maybe it's time to stop ignoring it. Maybe it's time to get curious about what your pain is trying to tell you.

Because sometimes the necessary move isn't just about changing your circumstances.

Sometimes it's about finding your way home.

---

Jeff

P.S. If this story resonates and you're wondering about your own "necessary move," let's talk. Sometimes you just need someone to help you hear what you already know. Work with me here.