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Did you know that your commitment to being nice can corrode your soul, spoil your leadership influence, and even harm your relationships?
Let me take you back to my 20s. I was part of a leadership internship at a large church in the Midwest. I reported to a guy who was one of the most effective communicators and leaders I had ever encountered. One day, he sat across from me, looked me straight in the eye, and said:
“Why is Jeff Caliguire so nice?” ... I thought it was a compliment! But no... it wasn’t. : (
What he was really saying was: “Jeff, you go along with the crowd. You avoid rocking the boat or challenging others. You let others decide what you believe because you’re afraid you might get hurt if you speak up.”
Now, he wasn’t quite that direct, but the message was crystal clear.
I had this belief: If I’m just nice enough, people will like me. I’ll be more like Jesus. Everything will work out.
But here’s the truth... If you look at the Bible, or even the dictionary definition of “nice” as “pleasant” and “agreeable,” you’ll find zero encouragement for you and me to just be “nice.”
God wasn’t nice.
Jesus wasn’t nice.
And yet, many of us bought into the idea that to be spiritual, or to have more people like us AND respect us, we should just be "nice."
And somehow, we’re surprised when our boundaries get violated... when we don’t lead and coach others to achieve better things... when our influence fades.
Here’s the kicker: the word "nice" actually comes from the Latin word "nescius," which means "ignorant" or "not knowing." In Old French, it took on the meaning "foolish."
Might being nice actually be being a fool? Hmmmm...
So my mentor challenged me: “Jeff, what if you stopped being so ‘nice?’”
Maybe that’s what you need to hear today too.
What if your next step is to live in truth. Speak your message. Challenge the status quo. Be a prophet not a doormat.
Yes, love people. Yes, don’t harm them. But also speak truth with love. Hold your boundaries. Stand firm in what you know is right—even if they think you’re the odd one out.
We weren’t created to be nice. We were created to be authentic, truthful, and courageous.
So I’m with you, and for you (but I’m not going to be nice about it)!
With boldness,
Jeff
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