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Having served for a decade as a pastor and performed more than 100 marriages, I always like to ask a couple a key question the first time we meet:
Why are you getting married?
Couples always get big smiles on their face.. then say things like, "I can't live without her!" "We have a blast together!" "We are soooo in love!" And of course, "She's my soul mate!"
All great things for someone you want to spend "forever with."
Yet, beyond divorce, other recent stats from author Dana Adam Shapiro tell us that years into it, only 17% later claim to even be "happy" in their marriage.
Higher or not, that means that 83% of married couples aren't happy! Should we just accept that as "the way it is?!"
Or might we be missing something? Something that's actually the key to marriage?
What does the Bible say? Anything?
OK, you may never have heard this before... but it's the very foundation of why marriage was created and what I now believe authentically happy couples (long-term) have in common.
It's this: truly happy couples have a purpose for their marriage that's bigger than them. They have a mission for their marriage that's about doing something meaningful TOGETHER in the world.
Just read the very foundations of the creation of man and woman found in Genesis 1, 2 and 3 and ask, "Why marriage?" It starts to come clear.
God creates man AND woman in His own image "male and female he creates them" and the mission He commissions them with is: "Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and he birds of the air...." (Gen. 2:28)
In a word: you are together for a purpose that's bigger than you! You tow get to make a difference TOGETHER on God's earth! You're here to not just survive.. but thrive as TOGETHER you create order, impact and meaningful change.
In Genesis 2, as Bible spells out the creation of woman, we learn that man has a problem. He's working the garden and naming the animals - ALONE. He needs a "helper." He needs someone who completes him.
What most of us forget is that we were not created to work alone, but instead work with a teammate. We're offered a co-laborer, a partner to stand beside us, aiding us to create meaningful work in the world.
Important point! The "helper" is not inferior or subservient. Instead, the "helper" completes man in the meaningful management of his mission in the world.
So, begin the scientific data gathering with me to test this:
Is it true that the happiest, most content and complete couples in the world have a mission for their marriage that goes beyond "being in love," "crazy about each other" or "really attracted?"
Do they have a purpose TOGETHER that includes them, but is bigger than them? Much bigger!?
The Most Significant Thing To Do
If that's true, the most significant thing you may do to build an incredible marriage may be being proactive about discovering the mission for your marriage.
The pre-marriage, mid-marriage and challenged marriage reviver may be actually come to know that bigger purpose... then do it.
OK, so how?
I did think of that and want to provide a resource to help you.
Here's a tangible way to explore. I created a "great date" for you and your spouse!
DOWNLOAD The 12 Questions to Unlock the Mission for Your Marriage! "Use these questions for a date night where you explore the even bigger vision: Why are we together?"
Here's what a couple who just did them over an anniversary dinner said. "Those questions created the conversation for what was possibly THE BEST DATE WE'VE EVER HAD! We really encourage you to give this a try!" (Robert and Christie Kostelny)
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